Unpacking.

I broke up with him 6 months ago.
Who? Yes, couple months after I posted the "I'll Be Alright, Just Not Today" post, I successly moved on to someone I called CC, which was our thing. HA. Hm, compared to the previous one, he was soooo different. The previous one (TPO) was smart, talented, charming & all that, but this one was very...unique? Or weird HAHA, can't decide. Hm, he was terribly funny, I mean his jokes were terrible but they made me laugh anyway. Not the kind of handsome that everyone can see, but some features of him were my favorites. I was also surprised that I could actually moved on from the extremely perfect TPO to this creature.
We had a lot of great times, and bad times. But mostly great times. That was probably my first serious relationship that I experience in such cheesy and childishly way, such as sending letters or drawings and shits like that. I did lots of silly doodles inspired by our relationship lalala hahaha. When I look back to that moment I feel so ashamed but happy because those things made me happy instead of making him think that I'm a retarded bitch. We hugged & lalala, we see lots of movies together, I remember watching Insidious at my house at I was terrified as hell, he was to (HA can't pretend), but he pretended like it was nothing and just held me in his arms. His smell surrounded me, the smell of molto or whatever it was that lingered on almost every stuff he owned, handuk & shirts. I loved it, maybe I still do but I never smell it anymore (obvs.)
Our first date was on the 27th of April. OMG I REMEMBER HOW NERVOUS I WAS THE ENTIRE DAY! MY HANDS WAS SHAKING AT THE LAST TWO HOURS OF SCHOOL! My used-to-be bestfriends tried to calm me down but failed. OMG HAHA.
We watched Battleship. HIHI like the typical newly-dating couple, he held my hand as it was cold of the ac of the theatre. And I put my head on his shoulder | modus | his smell runs allover the place and I loved it I loved it A LOT. I was so happy, I smiled the whole time that it shitted the hell out of him.
And then I had to go to USA to visit my brother for 1 month. We were terribly sad :( I kept asking to meet him but he never could. At school, we could only see each other for like 5 minutes and it's not enough. I cried but there was nothing I could do.
Days seemed longer when I was in USA. I kept counting the days to go home, but that day always seemed so far away. We bbm-ed everyday. I had to sleep at 4am because in Indonesia it's 2pm and that's the time he got home. And I had to wake up at maximum 9am, because it's still 7pm in Indonesia and I wanted to chat with him before he went to bed. We sent lots of "I miss you"s, "I love you"s & VNs, but it wasn't enough.
1 day, he didn't reply my bbm until 5am in USA, I was worried and confused and tired. But I kept waiting. Until he finally replied. I asked him. NO I interogated him. I asked him why, and he said he was waiting for his friends. I was mad, I didn't sleep for him. As*hole. And the climax is...
Him: "My feelings for you has faded. I only consider you as sister."
I cried :(
It hurt me a lot :(
I asked him why, he said I was being too much. Or maybe I was, but couldn't he see why?
He changed.
And then I got back to Indonesia.
I thought someone would be at the pos waiting for me. But all I see is Adit-Vivi about to walk together (jb).
Where the fuck are you, my tele love?
I walked alone sadly. I hugged my friends because I missed them sooo much!
BUT WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU :(
I asked everyday if he has changed his mind. But no, he hadn't.
I told him to break up but he said no and I was lost.
I cried in front of him at school, and infront of his gdmn friends. But he left.
I was confused, sad, angry combined.
And then one day, I decided to break up. I felt so relieved. But then he changed back to win my heart. AND I WAS WEAK :( God, I was weak :(
So we got back :(
But everyday after that, I felt tortured. I kept building walls around my heart. He tried to climb in and made everything's okay again, but failed. I can't stop myself from pushing away.
I hated him.
I hated you, if you're reading this.
And the worst part is, I still have to be the one who begs to see each other. But he never could. I wanted to surprise him for his birthday, but instead he went futsal-ing with his friends.
I was upset.
Because he said he wanted to make it up to me, but when I asked him to do a little favor, he couldn't.
I cried everyday. Remembering how happy I should be but I wasn't.
I remember laying on my bed, crying and saying, "You should've never done that to me!" Because I couldn't love him the same way :( I loved him so much, but I can't spend my entite life pushing and running away from the person next to me.
I hate you.



And then 6 months ago, I decided to break up. I decided to find someone else to love, the way I loved him. Because I will never be able to love him the same way as I did. Maybe someday, but I don't know.
After we broke up, he suddenly could take me anywhere I want whenever I want. I was so happy, but I couldn't take hin anymore. It was just...too late :):
It's too late to fix it. Your time's up.

Unpacking? What do you mean?
I always see being in a relationship is like packing 1 bag for 2 people. Inside of it, we put lots of great memories together. Bad times or good times. Inside, our needs become one. Our path is basically the same. And we carry it together, we share the same weight of the relationship. And along the way, we learn everything we need to know about love. But then again, there are times when one of us gets a little bit tired and lets go of the bag, so the other one has to carry it by themselves. & once the one that got tired is ready to carry it again, the other one was already exhausted. He/she is done with everything, and the trust that has been built is ruined.
And they will come to the time, where they decided to carry their own bags. So they unpack. Take what's theirs, and sink their old bag to the river, along with the good&bad memories they're trying to forget..

I'm happy now, 2 months after the break-up I found someone new. Good luck to CC.

Dear Galau..

Oke, ini post paling ga jelas yang pernah gw bikin.

Dear Galau,

Lu tau ga? Gw kesel banget sama lu. Lu dateng ke perasaan gw emang ga sengaja sih, cuma gw kesel aja. Mood gw suka ancur gara-gara lu dateng. Kadang-kadang gw ga bisa konsen kalo lagi ngerjain PR gara-gara lu dateng. Alhasil, nilai gw jelek. Nggak deng, lu cuma gw jadiin kambing hitam. HAHA #apaandah. Ya intinya, gw kesel sama lo. Tapi gw lebih kesel lagi sama orang yang jadi alasan gw galau. Alasannya? Ga bisa disebutkan disini. Oh iya, balik lagi ke masalah kekesalan gw terhadap lo. Siapa sih yang menemukan perasaan galau alias lu? Kenapa dinamain galau? Serius, namanya terlalu dramatis. Kalo gw jadi penemunya gw bakal ngasih nama perasaan-mbak-mbak-and-mas-mas. Pertama kali gw denger kata galau, gw langsung kebayang mbak-mbak sm mas-mas duduk di pinggir sungai, malem-malem, ngeliat bayangan bulan, nyanyi lagu sedih sambil nangis-nangis mikirin pacar. Oke, ini rada ga nyambung, tapi serius. Sebelumnya, gw minta maaf dulu ke bokap nyokap lu yang sangat menyayangi lu, gw mau nanya nih, manfaat keberadaan lu apa coba? Menurut gw ga ada. Sorry banget, itu dalem. Galau cm bisa bikin gw ga konsen ngapa-ngapain, bikin males makan kalo lagi ga laper (kalo laper makan #apaandah). Galau jg bisa bikin gw inget sama hal-hal sedih padahal sebelum-sebelumnya udah ga gw pikirin. Pokoknya perasaan galau itu absurd banget, gw ga ngerti apa gunanya. Dan kayaknya gw ga bakal ngerti. Galau, thanks udah mau baca ini.

Sincerely, Anak-Absurd-Kebanyakan-Galau.

I'll Be Alright, Just Not Today..

Yeap, I'm making a post about love again. In the previous post I've told you about my 3 years waiting, well, the happiness I got didn't only last for 2 months. You know what it means, it means that, I broke up with him.

Everybody asked me why did I let someone that I've been waiting for go. The reason is, because I realize that my life was actually so much better than when he was mine. I had good scores, my girl-best friends cared of me, and most of all, I had a boy-best friend which is very kind and supportive. Call him Mr. X. When we were 6th graders we didn't know each other very well, but when we were 7th graders, we were so close. I knew his secrets, and he knew mine. I told him everything about my feelings, and he told me his too. We really cared about each other feelings. The other people were expecting us to be a couple. But we weren't, we were just best friends, and I enjoy being just best friends, because I actually had no feeling for him and he had no feeling for me too. But, after the one that I've liked since the 3rd grade told me that he liked me, everything changed. Mr. X became a little bit more sensitive. We stopped talking to each other for months. Until now, I'm still expecting that one day he will text me first and we can talk like we used to.

About the person that I liked for 3 years, I really did love him 100%, but did he really love me? At first, he liked me 100% too, but as the time gone by he only liked me 90%, and before we broke up, he told me he only liked me for about 70%. Can you imagine it? It was not about how much his feeling for me. I was just sad because I realize, that every little thing that he did to me, made me love him even more, and there was nothing I can do to make him love me more than that. So, the reason I broke up is, I'm tired. I'm tired of being sad because of those things. Since the first time I said yes, I've got a thought that he was just told me that he liked me to make me happy, but actually he didn't. I asked him about that, he said that wasn't true. Well, I didn't know should I believe him or not. Well, but it was over.

Now, everybody keep asking if I still like him. Hmm, actually we haven't totally over yet, we still like each other. But I don't know if his feeling is real. I'm trying to forget about my feeling for him. I still keep the memories. All the capture-it of our conversations, his photos, and others. But I never open it again, I'm just too lazy to delete them. I've actually forgot about him, but I haven't forgot the pain I had. My heart has been broken, there's a permanent scar in my heart, and it makes me realize that next time, I have to be more careful of letting anyone come into my heart. To the person that has asked about my condition, this is my answer: I'll be alright, just not today.

Anak-anak 7B (By Natasha)

Ini nih karakter anak-anak 7B di kelas:

1. Adit, dengan "Bersiap, berisalam!"nya, haha! Ketua kelas mamenn!

2. Tedja, CSnya sama Karel, haha!

3. Matthew, di kelas gak bisa diemm, ngomong terus -,-" Terkenal dengan keBOTISannya, wkwk!

4. Cleverd, ini juga gak bisa diem di kelas + murid favoritnya Ma'am Efii, haha!

5. Deddy, ini sih RADIOnya 7B! Singing all day mamenn!

6. Dega, kecil-kecil cabe rawitt, diem-diem ternyata otaknya udah kayak Perpustakaan

7. Tika, suka heboh sendiri kalo disuruh jawab pertanyaan sama guruu :O

8. Ernest, kalem sekalee kalo di kls..

9. Kenny, gosip-gosipnya ni anak masih ada hubungan darah sama Albert Einstein :O Gak herann, otaknya 99GB! Trs ternyata setelah saya mencari-cari informasi lagi, DIA JUGA MASIH SODARA SAMAAAAA, SHARUK KHANN! WOW! :O

10. Bella, dengan risol, spaghetti dan yuppinyaa, haha! Lawak banget kalo di kelas!

11. Reza, demen break dance + sering diejekin sama Cleverd n the gank, hehe!

12. Jejes, sering dikatain "CINA!" sama temen-temen.. Jelas, mukanya Chinese bangett, HAHA! *gak boleh bilang Cina sama laoshi -,-"*

13. Dimas, sering OL FB di hp, haha! Plus anak guru, gak heran Sejarah peringkat #1, wew! OH IYA, dia jg jd Kapten TIMNAS 7B lohh, wkwkwk!

14. Karel, dipanggil "Cumi!" sama Vane, Laras dll, gara-gara pernah nyanyiin lagu Cumi-cumi di kelas, wkwk!

15. Keren, cewek paling tinggi di 7B, wuohh! Hm, jembatan antara kelas 7 dan 9, haha! You guys know why, I bet..

16. Kevin, sejenis Deddy, demen banget nyanyi di kelas, haha! Kalo buka kacamata, bulenya keliatann, wew! Haha!

17. Laras, suara emas bangett! Pernah nyanyi When You Love Someone, otomatis 1 kelas diem, terpana kali yee, haha! Pacarnyaa di 7C, awaw!

18. Tonny, cowok yang diakuin cewek-cewek 7B paling ganteng di kelas pas pelajaran Eko, WEW! Hahaa!

19. Monic, jago baskett, wuohh! Kalo bersin lucuu, kayak anak kecil, haha!

20. Natasha, ___________________ <-- isi sendiri yaa

21. Vivi, unyuu bangett di kelas kalo lagi main sama *PIP*, wew, haha!

22. Paulus, dengan pertanyaan-pertanyaannya yang kadang suka gak penting. Sampe-sampe 1 kelas pada geregetann, hadehh Pauluuuss! -,-"

23. Pilipus (udh pindahh), dulu suka bawa gendang ke sekolahh -,-" Cita-cita jadi pemain musik kali yee, haha!

24. Ardy, dengan masterpiecenya a.k.a dengan gambar-gambarnya yang bikin orang-orang terpukauu *asekk* :O

25. Vanessa, sering ngomong, "Rempong dah!" di kelas, makanya pas pelajaran Ekonomi pas ditanyai siapa anak yang paling repot pada nunjuk Vane, haha! Kalo ini pacarnya ada di 7A..

26. Vania, dengan LOVE STORYnyaa, haha! Bermacam-macam mann, ada yang kelas 7, ada yang kelas 8, haha!

P.S Jangan ada yang tersinggung yaaa, haha!

Dear My Best-friends..

Dear My Best-friends..

YOU GUYS ARE SO CRAZY, but you're also adorable!

I'm so lucky to have all of you, I thank God for giving me best-friends like you EVERYDAY!

Thank you for being there when I need you, thank you for not letting a single tear drop, thank you for making me laugh when I thought I could never even smile again, thank you for supporting me for everything that I've done, I can't thank you enough!

Lots Of Love

Me, Your Best-friend :)

I Have A HUGE Crush On TAYLOR LAUTNER!

TAYLOR LAUTNER

Every time I hear his name, I can't help but SCREAM! OH MY GOSH, he's so freaking charming! I first saw him on Twilight, but he worn a really weird wig, so he doesn't look so handsome. And then he played a role as Jacob Black again on New Moon, and he didn't wear that wig anymore, so he looked so handsome! God, I have a HUGE crush on Taylor Lautner, I want to meet him even just for once, PLEASE GOD!

Sometimes, All We Have To Do is Wait..

Have you ever wished for something to happen? You want it really bad, you pray for it everyday, but in the end of the day, you're not sure that it'll happen anymore. Well, I have.

When I was 8 years old, I liked somebody. He was my best-friend. For me, he was perfect. He was the only thing that I wanted. Nothing else. I prayed to God everyday, for him to realize my feeling for him, and for him to feel the way I feel. But, I guess that was not the right time for God to answer my prayer. But, I kept waiting..

When I was 11 years old, I started to lose my hope. He liked someone else, which is one of my best-friends. It hurt me so bad. I helped him to get closer to her, even though it didn't work. I pretended like it didn't hurt me at all. I faked smiles and laughs. I hided all the pains I got, all the tears I dropped, and also all the feelings I felt for him. I stopped hoping, I knew that it was gonna be useless. Can you imagine, how young I was when I had a broken-heart? I was only 11, and there was nothing I can do.

When I was 12 years old, I liked somebody else. I tried to forget about the person I liked before. But when the other person told me that he wanted me to be his GF, I realized that I still couldn't forget about the person I liked before. I realized that I still had feeling for him, a huge feeling. And then I said, "No". I stopped liking him, and I continued to like the person I liked since I was 8. But, I never put my hope too high, I'm afraid of falling again. I don't want to be disappointed again.

A few weeks before I turned 13, I went to one of my best-friend's birthday party. Everyone that came to that party, has their own GF/BF, except me, and him. I told myself, "I wish we could be a couple, so none of us would feel lonely." But, it was only a wish. I acted like everything was normal. We laughed together with the other friends. We really enjoyed the party.

At night, it was about 8 p.m. I was texting with him, and he asked me if I want to know who he likes. I said, "Okay". I was a little bit expecting, and I tweeted, "I really need to stop expecting ._." I was so afraid that if I expected too much, and the result was different than I thought, then I would be so sad.

Suddenly, he told me his feeling. I was so freaking shocked. He said that he likes me.

I couldn't believe it! I mean, he was the one who has made me said, "No" to the other person. He was the one who has ever broken my heart. He was the one who has kept me waiting for this long.

I was so speechless. I didn't know what to say, but I said, "Yes" anyway.

Then, I smiled, I thanked God for giving me this opportunity. I thanked God for making him in love with me.

Now, I remember a few years ago, when a was still praying, hoping and waiting. And also when I was hurt and sad. Those things are worth it :)