Unpacking.

I broke up with him 6 months ago.
Who? Yes, couple months after I posted the "I'll Be Alright, Just Not Today" post, I successly moved on to someone I called CC, which was our thing. HA. Hm, compared to the previous one, he was soooo different. The previous one (TPO) was smart, talented, charming & all that, but this one was very...unique? Or weird HAHA, can't decide. Hm, he was terribly funny, I mean his jokes were terrible but they made me laugh anyway. Not the kind of handsome that everyone can see, but some features of him were my favorites. I was also surprised that I could actually moved on from the extremely perfect TPO to this creature.
We had a lot of great times, and bad times. But mostly great times. That was probably my first serious relationship that I experience in such cheesy and childishly way, such as sending letters or drawings and shits like that. I did lots of silly doodles inspired by our relationship lalala hahaha. When I look back to that moment I feel so ashamed but happy because those things made me happy instead of making him think that I'm a retarded bitch. We hugged & lalala, we see lots of movies together, I remember watching Insidious at my house at I was terrified as hell, he was to (HA can't pretend), but he pretended like it was nothing and just held me in his arms. His smell surrounded me, the smell of molto or whatever it was that lingered on almost every stuff he owned, handuk & shirts. I loved it, maybe I still do but I never smell it anymore (obvs.)
Our first date was on the 27th of April. OMG I REMEMBER HOW NERVOUS I WAS THE ENTIRE DAY! MY HANDS WAS SHAKING AT THE LAST TWO HOURS OF SCHOOL! My used-to-be bestfriends tried to calm me down but failed. OMG HAHA.
We watched Battleship. HIHI like the typical newly-dating couple, he held my hand as it was cold of the ac of the theatre. And I put my head on his shoulder | modus | his smell runs allover the place and I loved it I loved it A LOT. I was so happy, I smiled the whole time that it shitted the hell out of him.
And then I had to go to USA to visit my brother for 1 month. We were terribly sad :( I kept asking to meet him but he never could. At school, we could only see each other for like 5 minutes and it's not enough. I cried but there was nothing I could do.
Days seemed longer when I was in USA. I kept counting the days to go home, but that day always seemed so far away. We bbm-ed everyday. I had to sleep at 4am because in Indonesia it's 2pm and that's the time he got home. And I had to wake up at maximum 9am, because it's still 7pm in Indonesia and I wanted to chat with him before he went to bed. We sent lots of "I miss you"s, "I love you"s & VNs, but it wasn't enough.
1 day, he didn't reply my bbm until 5am in USA, I was worried and confused and tired. But I kept waiting. Until he finally replied. I asked him. NO I interogated him. I asked him why, and he said he was waiting for his friends. I was mad, I didn't sleep for him. As*hole. And the climax is...
Him: "My feelings for you has faded. I only consider you as sister."
I cried :(
It hurt me a lot :(
I asked him why, he said I was being too much. Or maybe I was, but couldn't he see why?
He changed.
And then I got back to Indonesia.
I thought someone would be at the pos waiting for me. But all I see is Adit-Vivi about to walk together (jb).
Where the fuck are you, my tele love?
I walked alone sadly. I hugged my friends because I missed them sooo much!
BUT WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU :(
I asked everyday if he has changed his mind. But no, he hadn't.
I told him to break up but he said no and I was lost.
I cried in front of him at school, and infront of his gdmn friends. But he left.
I was confused, sad, angry combined.
And then one day, I decided to break up. I felt so relieved. But then he changed back to win my heart. AND I WAS WEAK :( God, I was weak :(
So we got back :(
But everyday after that, I felt tortured. I kept building walls around my heart. He tried to climb in and made everything's okay again, but failed. I can't stop myself from pushing away.
I hated him.
I hated you, if you're reading this.
And the worst part is, I still have to be the one who begs to see each other. But he never could. I wanted to surprise him for his birthday, but instead he went futsal-ing with his friends.
I was upset.
Because he said he wanted to make it up to me, but when I asked him to do a little favor, he couldn't.
I cried everyday. Remembering how happy I should be but I wasn't.
I remember laying on my bed, crying and saying, "You should've never done that to me!" Because I couldn't love him the same way :( I loved him so much, but I can't spend my entite life pushing and running away from the person next to me.
I hate you.



And then 6 months ago, I decided to break up. I decided to find someone else to love, the way I loved him. Because I will never be able to love him the same way as I did. Maybe someday, but I don't know.
After we broke up, he suddenly could take me anywhere I want whenever I want. I was so happy, but I couldn't take hin anymore. It was just...too late :):
It's too late to fix it. Your time's up.

Unpacking? What do you mean?
I always see being in a relationship is like packing 1 bag for 2 people. Inside of it, we put lots of great memories together. Bad times or good times. Inside, our needs become one. Our path is basically the same. And we carry it together, we share the same weight of the relationship. And along the way, we learn everything we need to know about love. But then again, there are times when one of us gets a little bit tired and lets go of the bag, so the other one has to carry it by themselves. & once the one that got tired is ready to carry it again, the other one was already exhausted. He/she is done with everything, and the trust that has been built is ruined.
And they will come to the time, where they decided to carry their own bags. So they unpack. Take what's theirs, and sink their old bag to the river, along with the good&bad memories they're trying to forget..

I'm happy now, 2 months after the break-up I found someone new. Good luck to CC.